Hi Folks!  About a week ago, on Twitter, I posted a goofy picture of me wearing a Las Vegas style showgirl’s headdress.  It was taken of me backstage before a standup show a few years back.  Anyway, I always liked the photo, especially the dichotomy of the splashy festive feathered headwear accompanied by my sad defeated face.  I always thought if I was going to do a comedy album I’d use that photo for the cover and call it “Dignity is the Enemy”.  So, for a bit of fun, I opened that notion up to my Twitter followers and suggested a contest to design that cover, with the only prize (if you can call it that) is having the winning entry posted here on my website.  There is no other prize, because there is no actual album planned at the moment.  And if I ever DO an actual comedy album, I may or may not go with this title.  But it was a fun little thing to do and I received some truly creative and cool entries.  Thanks for everyone who submitted.  But, just like in the Highlander’s Quickening Tournament of Beheading Immortals… there can be only one.  And so… here is the winning entry – chosen for it’s clarity, strength of message, and eye-catching appeal.  CONGRATULATIONS to @CreelmanKid for this exquisite piece of artistic imagery.  And again, thanks to everyone else who played along.

On Tuesday, May 1, 2012, a man passed away at his home in Belleville, Ontario at the age of 90.  I had never met that man, but he still managed to play a role in my life.  The man’s name was James E. Marker, and he invented my favourite snacking food; Cheezies.

The word “cheezies” or “cheesies” is often used to describe any kind of cheese snack these days, but to true snackophiles there is only one; the original Hawkins brand Cheezies.  The snack company was started by Mr. Marker and W.T. Hawkins in 1949.  It was Marker who had invented a machine to process cornmeal, and it churned out little knobby, chunky bits of heaven that were fried and covered with a powder made from actual, real, honest-to-goodness cheese.  No two cheezies were the same – each a uniquely shaped and sized morsel of wondrous crunchy goodness.  That crunch is like no other crunch in the world of snacking.  Most other cheesy snacky bits are of the “puff” variety.  You put them in your mouth, and they disappear on your tongue like a magic trick.  It’s like you’re barely eating anything.  Hawkins Cheezies let you know you’re eating something.  There’s a flavour, a texture, and a definite crunch that can’t be replicated.  To put it bluntly – they’re just damn good.

At a certain point in my stand-up career, promoters started asking my booking agent for my “rider”.  That subsequently caused my agent to say to me “What’s your rider?”  I had never really thought of it before.  Being a kid from Saskatchewan, a ‘rider’ is a guy who plays football for the green & white.  But my agent said I had to put one together, so I did.  My rider has changed a bit over the years (actually getting smaller, since I’ve realized most of the stuff would just be going to waste anyway).  But two things have remained as the unchanged and founding pillars of my dressing room request rider:  Rye whisky and Hawkins Cheezies.

Long live the simple pleasures of life.

Thanks Mr. Marker.

The pickles & olives were an added bonus.